HUMOR
I was flying from Shanghai
to Zhengzhou.
By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on
board was slightly annoyed. Unexpectedly, we stopped at Nanjing on the way. The flight attendant
explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get
off the aircraft, we could re-board in thirty minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was
blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because
his guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the
entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because
the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, 'Lee, we're in Nanjing for almost an
hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
Lee replied, 'No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to
stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please?'
Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a
completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the
plane with a guide dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses that day. People
scattered not only trying to change planes but also trying to change airlines!
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair.
The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride
would cost.
'$10 for 3 minutes,' replied the pilot.
'That's too much,' said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, 'I'll make
you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound,
the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10.'
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After
they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, 'I want to congratulate you for not
making a sound. You are a brave man.'
'Maybe so,' said the farmer, 'But I gotta tell ya, I almost
screamed when my wife fell out.'
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter
plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through
thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he
began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts
running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a
tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks
the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, 'Hey! Where am
I?' To this, the solitary office worker replies, 'You're in a plane.'
The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn
and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5
miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run
out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
'Simple,' replies the pilot, 'I asked the guy in that building a simple
question. The answer he gave me was 100 per cent correct but absolutely
useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there I
knew the airport was just 5 miles away.'
According to The Australian newspaper, an airliner recently
encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an
emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped
immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he
had been jogging inside the smallest room.
FUNNY SIGNS AND NOTICES
SIGN IN A LAUNDROMAT:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes
when the light goes out.
IN AN OFFICE:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand
upside down on the draining board
Whacked
A woman came home to find her
husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire
running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away
from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back
door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily
listening to his Walkman.
A man walked into a little corner shop with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the shopkeeper had put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the shopkeeper to put it in the bag as well, but
the cashier refused and said, 'It's because I don't believe you are over 18.
The robber said that he was, but the shop's owner still refused to give it to
him because he didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driving licence out of
his wallet and handed it to the shopkeeper who looked it over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 18 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his swag. The shopkeeper immediately called the police
and gave the name and address of the robber that he had seen on the licence.
Police arrested the robber two hours later.
www.guy-sports.com
| 
